I’ve wasted an inordinate amount of time this morning looking for a turn table.

Me: Do you carry any turntables?
Sales Guy: Perhaps you should check in furniture.
Me: — blank stare —
Me: You’re kidding, right?
S.G.: — blank stare —
S.G.: For setting a TV on, right?
Me: A turntable. LPs. Vinyl. Records.
S.G.: (Smirking) You want to play records?
Me: Yes. I’m looking for an audio turntable. To play records.
S.G.: Uh. No. We don’t carry those.