Go! Cower in terror!

Our big brave protector, Tom Ridge, is now going to protect us from attacks on the train system (CNN).

My absolute favorite quote from the press conference is:

“Clearly, we could provide enough security to put the mass transit systems out of business.”

I think that they need to jump straight to the heart of the matter and issue what is, of course, the final word in terror protection.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the overarching plan to protect you from terror is that you go and cower in your homes. We will send around our heavies to ensure that you are, indeed, cowering according to protocol. Anyone caught reading Farenheit 451, and noticing similarities between the real and fictional worlds, will be summarily executed by a mechanical hound.

That is all.