If the doctor’s office was IRC

—> patient (~sick@hostpital.net) has joined #doctor
<patient> Help!
<doctor1> What seems to be the nature of your problem.
<patient> I’m sick. What could be the problem?
<doctor1> Can you be a little more specific about the nature of your problem?
<patient> LOL. Dude, you’re the expert. I’m just a noob.
<doctor1> ?
<doctor1> So … what are your symptoms?
<patient> I told you, man! Are you a retard? I’m sick! How do I fix that?
<doctor1> Ok, let’s try this again. What exactly is it that makes you believe you’re sick?
<patient> Are you calling me stupid? If I say I’m sick, surely I know I’m sick. I’ve been sick before.
<patient> Can anyone else help me? This guy is an idiot.
<doctor2> Um. He was trying to help you, but you didn’t tell him what the problem was.
<patient> Well, There’s some stuff coming out of my arm.
<doctor2> What does the stuff look like?
<patient> Well, it’s red. And kinda sticky.
<doctor2> We call that stuff “blood”.
<patient> And my hand isn’t working.
<doctor2> It’s not working? In what sense?
<patient> Just not working at all. But it worked fine yesterday.
<doctor2> So, what happens when you try to use your hand?
<patient> It just doesn’t work. And it gets this “blood” stuff all over everything. It’s like my hand isn’t there at all.
<doctor2> What happened to cause this?
<patient> Dude. It worked fine yesterday! How can it work fine yesterday, and then not work at all today. This is stupid, man! If you can’t help me, tell me someone else who can! I’ve been trying to solve this problem for like 10 whole minutes, man!
<doctor2> Ok, try to be patient. What happened immediately before this problem started?
<patient> I was making dinner. I don’t see how that can possibly be related. We’re talking about how I feel. My head is starting to feel woozy.
<doctor2> You’re feeling dizzy? Is your hand still bleeding a lot?
<patient> Well, my hand is over there on the counter. My arm is bleeding a lot. I think I must have cut it off when I was making dinner. Is it normal for my head to feel this strange? Dude, are you going to help me or not?
<patient> Wow. I don’t feel so good.
< — patient has quit (Remote closed the connection)
<doctor2> Wait! Come back!